Here We Go!

So- one thing you should know is that my name isn't actually Chiku. One reason I chose that alias is that it's Swahili for "Chatterer"- that part is definitely true about me! The other reason that I chose an alias at all is that my weight loss journey, though nothing to be ashamed of I know, is still something that I don't really want the people I know knowing all the details about. I rarely show all the insecurities that I will be exposing on this blog, and am far too proud to show my 'weaknesses' as openly as I would like. 99.9% of my friends (which are quite a few people- the fact that I'm a chatterer has resulted in me being quite the social butterfly) are healthy and thin. I've always been the fat friend, the one that never was able to join in with the borrowing of outfits, and the carefree dressing up for nights out. I always had different worries- like whether my dress exposed too many of the fat rolls on my stomach when I sat down, or whether the cellulite on the backs of my thighs was visible even with my black tights on. I've been overweight since I was 8 years old- that fateful summer that my family and I went to the US for the first time and I was overwhelmed (as was my stomach!) by the sheer amounts of candy, fast food, fizzy drinks and general grease that is found in abundance over there. Since then my laziness has kept me from getting back to a healthy size, and now, at 19 years of age, I have come to realise that it's more than laziness- it's fear. If I don't try to lose weight then I can never say I failed, so I've contented myself up till now with 'loving myself' while inwardly reeling from the sheer levels of self hatred that boil up within me every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror while changing. This summer, I've come to the realisation that anything I am unhappy about myself with I am unhappy with because I chose to not change it. I've signed myself up for a diet called the Cambridge Weight Plan, which will be starting on the 20th of September (next Monday). This means that in about a week I will be starting a diet of (nutritionally complete) milkshakes and soups for a minimum of a week, and then slowly incorporating solid foods. The weight loss from this diet is said to be rapid, which I hope it will be, as the reason I have quit so many diets and exercise regimes (other than 'loving myself the way I am') is because I never saw results fast enough, and my laziness often told me to give up and have another cookie seeing as either way I was staying fat. This blog will be a place for me to record my journey- the good days, the bad days, the hungry days! It will serve as my motivation, and hopefully you all following (if my silly diet gains any followers at all) will help to keep me going! It's time for me to change, and to become someone I can say I'm proud to be.